• codiishername

To The Mom Who Asked Me That Question

To the mom who asked me if my husband and I were planning on having more kids:

I know you meant well.

I know you asked me that question because you commented on how close in age my two daughters were and how cute they were.

I know that the reason you asked me was because you said you have four kids all 16 months apart and you understand my struggles.

I know you asked me this question from the goodness of your heart.

But sweet mama, you see I had another miscarriage. I lost another one of our children. And although that question means well, you have no idea that I literally had to hold back tears, plaster a smile on my face, and tell you “yes, someday hopefully” all while smiling at my youngest to keep myself from breaking


This question is fully loaded for some of us Mama’s.

Sometimes you can’t see the children the mom wants to have or actually has. Sometimes you ask and you’re not prepared for the answer, so the mom you’re asking simply gives you a fake answer with a smile on her face, when she’s actually telling a huge lie. Sometimes the mom tells the truth and the person asking does not know how to respond.

This question can hurt so bad without you actually realizing that it does.

To the mama who lost a baby; I feel you and I’m with you. My heart is breaking with you. I know your pain. I know your sorrow. I know your grief. I know that someone asking you if you want another child is grounds for you breaking down and being a mess. I’m right in the trenches with you.

To the mama who cannot get pregnant; I don’t know your struggles but I do know that it took 10 months and a loss for us to finally get pregnant with our oldest. I know that waiting to see those two pink lines is the hardest wait of your life. I know how bad you want to be a Mama, and I know that a question about baby’s hurts to your core.

To the mama who is happy with the child or children she already has; girl, I’m so happy for you. And I know this question is probably more annoying then anything or something you absolutely dread answering because you just want everyone to leave you alone about baby’s. I get it completely.

Am I planning on having more children?

Maybe one day. Maybe by the grace of God and some magic powers I will have a second rainbow baby someday. I’m guessing not anytime soon, but one day I’m holding out hope for that second rainbow.

In the meantime I know I’m going to get asked this question.

I know people will mean well. I know they don’t know that I have lost two babies early on. I know that this is just kind of a formality question; a question you ask to have more of a conversation with another mom.

And until that day comes when we are blessed with another little one, I’ll just hold my breath, smile, and say “hopefully one day”.


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