Ever feel like you’re not good enough? Like no matter how hard you try at certain things you will never win or never get to where you want to be at the end of the day? That’s me right now.
Mom guilt is real, y’all. At the end of the day I always think “I should’ve done this” or “I could’ve done that”. I should’ve taught my daughters all about their ABC’s today or their 123’s. I ask myself “why are they not learning as fast as others’s” or “why does a child their same age know how to do something and they don’t”? And then I feel like a complete failure on my end. Definitely my own doing, but being a parent is tough work.
I want my daughters to know all the things I know plus so much more and I know I’m teaching them well, but why do I feel like I fail them all the time?
I know none of us are perfect parents. None of our children are perfect children. So why is mom guilt so rough on you?
I think us Mom’s are always trying to see the perfect side of things. Everything on social media is usually perfect and not the ugly side of parenting. And society is always trying to tell us you should do xyz with your child(ren).
Well I’m here to try to break my Mom guilt and help destroy other’s as well.
What contributes to Mom guilt?
It starts right in the beginning. Are you going to breastfeed? You know breastfeeding is the best right? You probably shouldn’t let your child drink a formula bottle at all because it’s totally not good for them, etc, etc, etc.
Unsolicited advice here to all the pregnant women out there about to have a baby-FEED YOUR BABY HOW YOU WANT! If breastfeeding is your thing please do that! No one is going to hate you for it and no one is going to judge you. You do what is right by you and your child.
Formula is not the devil. I was a formula baby. 90% of my friends were formula babies. I have a lot of friends who weren’t able to continue to breastfeed and fed their baby’s formula. Heck, both my daughters had to be formula babies. I tried my hardest to breastfeed my oldest, I couldn’t last that long. And my youngest, well, my PPD and PPA was so bad I would’ve been risking more of my mental health by breastfeeding.
The greatest thing I did for myself and for my daughters was to give them a bottle of formula-even though I felt like a crap Mom for doing so for a really long time. I still have the Mom guilt about it. I think I wouldn’t if us Mom’s would stop being so judgy about the feeding thing. Who cares how a baby is fed as long as they are fed? I feel like I need to say it louder for everyone in the back so I will. WHO CARES HOW A BABY IS FED AS LONG AS THEY ARE FED?! Breast or bottle? I don’t care. Just feed your dang kid, please!
What else contributes to Mom guilt?
Pretty much everything under the sun. A child who is your child’s same age started walking before your child. That’s awesome for that child! But your child who isn’t walking quite yet is perfect and will walk when they walk.
A child who is your child’s same age started talking before your child. That’s awesome for that child! But your child will talk when they’re ready.
A child who is your child’s same age eats everything and isn’t picky at all. That’s ok too! Some kids are just super picky. Trust me when I say when a child is hungry, they will eat. I have one super picky child and one who is a garbage disposal and will eat an animal cracker off the driveway, I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes, so please trust yourself and your child that they will eat before you know it!
A child who is your child’s same age is potty trained before your child. Woah, this is a tough one because we’re all sick of diapers like since they were one month old basically. This is ok too! Keep up the great work Mama, your child will potty train soon, I promise.
And this list seriously goes on and on and on and on.
Enough of the Mom guilt. We’re all trying here. I understand the advice. I understand *most* people mean well. But sometimes it sucks to feel judged as a Mom when you’re literally trying so hard to make sure these tiny humans you’re raising turn out to be good humans and you’re literally losing sleep over what you should be doing and what you can be doing better.
I don’t have the answers as to why we all experience the Mom guilt. Maybe it’s a part of it all? I’m not sure. But at the end of the day, if your child is fed, laughing at you, giving you kisses goodnight, and snuggling into you for that last goodnight hug..you’re doing something right along the parenting journey.
Being a Mom is hard. And society doesn’t make it easy. But let’s all agree to slow down. Enjoy the ride with our children. It’s a beautiful ride and if we blink we may miss it all because it goes by way too quick.
So, Mama, today I need you to let go of your Mom guilt. Let go of “oh well this mom is doing it this way so I should be too”. Let go of your child trying to keep up with another child. Your parenting journey is yours. The only thing you need to worry about during this stage of life is keeping eyes on your coffee at all times. Those little children are sneaky and will run off with it, dump it, or drink it if they get the chance to. You’re doing a good job. We’re all doing a good job.
We’re good enough for ourselves and for our children. We always will be. Now go hug your children and tickle them. I promise that laugh will melt your guilt away.