• codiishername

It’s Ok To Not Be Ok

It’s ok to not be ok, but it’s not ok to stay that way. ⠀

I want you to read the above line one more time, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and imagine life without anxiety or depression. Seems pretty cool, right? No worry over fears you shouldn’t have. No stress over a certain a situation that probably will never happen. No panic attacks out of the blue because something, somewhere triggered one. No crying in the shower for a reason you can’t pinpoint or even bring yourself to talk about it. ⠀

Anxiety and depression are evil beasts. They drag you down to the deepest, darkest hole they can find and they leave you there with no one to help you out. And if there is a person close by, that person isn’t going to understand where you’re at, that person won’t have the empathy to get to your level, only sympathy, which are two very different things. ⠀

I needed a person with empathy to climb down that hypothetical hole I was in, and have been in many times before, to level with me; to understand the pain I was feeling from my anxiety and depression. I needed someone to say “I don’t have the words to make you feel better or a cure all for what you’re going through, but I understand and I’m here for you.” I didn’t need a person with only sympathy to tell me, “well if you just ignore the feelings you’re having they will go away” or “well at least you have resources to get you through this terrible time”- gosh if it was that simple my anxiety and depression would have gone away two plus years ago. ⠀

What I’m getting at is there’s been many times over the last couple years where I definitely was not ok. You could have simply said “hi” to me and would have been able to tell that there was something extremely off and something wasn’t right. In order to heal from something like anxiety and depression, you need people in your corner to help you through; people who understand, people who get it, and people who can see the light even if you can’t. ⠀

People like myself who suffer shut the world out, and you can’t do that if you’re suffering. You have to let the world in, at least one single person who gets it, who understands, and who can help you out of that hole without digging it deeper. ⠀

It’s ok to not be ok. I’ve said it dozen times before. You’re allowed to feel what you feel. You’re allowed to stay in the dark hole for a short time, but you’re not allowed to never emerge from that hole ever. You have to eventually be ready and willing to start over, to start new, and to start loving the season you were in for what it was. ⠀

Anxiety and depression teach you a thing or two about living. They teach you how to level with other people going through the same things you encounter on the daily. Anxiety and depression are also evil though. They want to keep you down for as long as possible and never let you see the happiness and the light of day you so deserve, and you need. ⠀

It’s ok to not be ok right now, but it’s not ok for you to stay that way. ⠀

Please remember this on the days that you’re struggling. That it seems like people only tell you “well at least...” fill in the blank how you see fit there about your anxiety and depression. Remember that that hole you’re in, you can and will climb out. There’s someone, somewhere who gets it and understands. There’s someone who can offer so much love and wisdom to you to help you through. ⠀

In the meantime, while you’re still struggling, don’t ever give up hope that you’ll find the light someday. Maybe you will find the light tomorrow, lose it on Tuesday to your dark hole, but find it again on Thursday. Maybe you find the light, you stay in the light for months or years, and then one day out of the blue you’re back in your anxiety and depression hole for whatever reason. ⠀

That black hole you’re in because of anxiety and depression is not the place you’re meant to stay. I need you to remember that. Heck, I need to remember that myself. ⠀

So today, imagine yourself not in that hole. Call the person who can level with you and helps you more than they realize. Don’t listen to the people who tell you things like “well you can stop your anxiety and depression if you want to”. If only, only, it was as simple as pressing a stop button everything would be peachy and perfect. Don’t get hard on yourself if it’s taking longer than expected to climb out of the hole fully, and sometimes you take a few steps back. It’s ok. You’re not failing. You’re getting to where you need to get soon enough. ⠀

Just remember, it’s ok to not be ok, but it’s not ok to stay that way.⠀

Things eventually do get better. You eventually see the light. And that dark hole that once consumed you because of anxiety and depression-well it will learn whose boss soon enough. ⠀

Keep fighting the good fight over anxiety and depression. Know you are worthy of every good thing that comes your way. Keep thinking of a life that anxiety and depression don’t rule you. Don’t let the deep, black hole completely consume you. Someday, you’ll be ok. I level with you. I understand you. I don’t have all the words to make you feel better, but I get it. ⠀

Anxiety and depression, you can go now. We all have better things to worry about then what hole you’re going to send us to today. It’s ok not to be ok, but I don’t want you to stay that way. Please remember those words. Please keep going. Please never give up. ⠀


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